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When Your Family Says Your Child Is Fine: Getting an Autism or ADHD Assessment

When Your Family Says Your Child Is Fine: Getting an Autism or ADHD Assessment

Your mother says your child is perfectly fine when they’re with her. Your uncle has already said he was exactly the same at that age, and he grew up okay.

You did mention it to the GP. Six minutes, half of it in your second language, and you left without saying most of what you went in to say.

So you’ve stopped bringing it up.

Your family sees your child on Sundays. A few hours at your mum’s place, one familiar adult, the food they eat, no uniform, nobody making them line up. That’s an easier afternoon than the one you get at 3.30pm on a school day.

And now you’re wondering whether your family is right and there’s nothing wrong.

Is your child autistic, do they have ADHD, or are they simply learning things more slowly than their cousins? An autism or ADHD assessment answers that question. A psychologist spends time with your child, talks to you and to the school, and writes down what your child does easily and what they can’t do yet. That report tells you what you’re dealing with and what will help.

Parents who come in for an assessment have usually been worried for longer than anyone should have to be.

Why your mother sees a different child

Six hours at school asks your child for all of it at once. Sitting still, lining up, noise, changes nobody warned them about, other children to understand.

Plenty of children hold themselves together all day in front of people they want to please, then come apart the moment they’re somewhere safe. Psychologists describe the holding-together pattern as “masking“. It means copying what the other children do, staying still when they want to move, and saying nothing when a noise hurts. Your mother gets a few easy hours on a Sunday. You get the child who comes home at 3.30pm on a school day too tired to talk (more on that after-school hour).

Late talking might be the first worry your family waved away. Some kids talk late. Their cousin didn’t say a word till they were three. In a large Australian study of how autism is first noticed, speech and language delay was the most common first thing parents worried about.

Children growing up with two languages learn to talk on roughly the same timetable as everyone else, building both languages at once.

The same study was run by researchers including Professor Valsamma Eapen at UNSW and the Ingham Institute in Liverpool. Children from culturally diverse families were a couple of months older when their parents first became worried, and their signs of autism were stronger by the time they were assessed (Hussain and colleagues, 2023).

We hear from parents who’ve had the same conversation at the same Sunday lunch for two years.

Six things you can do for your child this week

1. Write down what you’re seeing, with dates. Be specific, like these examples:

  • Doesn’t turn around when you call their name, three times out of five
  • Forty minutes to get dressed, every school morning
  • Hands over their ears in the shopping centre
  • Hasn’t eaten anything warm since July
  • Screams through every haircut, same spot, same scissors

Pick four things your child does and write them down like these examples, each with a date and what happened just before and after. A GP can act on notes like these.

2. Ask the preschool or school what they’ve noticed, and ask for it in writing. Schools can make adjustments for a child with no formal diagnosis, based on what staff observe over time, and they have to consult you about them. A visual timetable, a quiet spot when the room gets loud, a warning before the class changes activity. A teacher’s written note also gives the GP something beyond your own account.

3. Book a long appointment with the GP. Your GP can organise an interpreter if you need one. Say on the phone that you want to talk about your child’s development, and bring your notes from step one. If the GP says to wait and see and you’re still worried, ask for a referral to a paediatrician, or see another GP for a second opinion.

4. Call the Thriving Kids Autism Helpline, or an NDIS early childhood partner. The helpline started in October 2026 for families of children aged 8 and under, and your child doesn’t need a diagnosis. Call 1300 654 789, Monday to Friday, 8am to 7pm. If your child is under six, an early childhood partner can also help without a diagnosis. To find your local partner, call the NDIS on 1800 800 110, and ask for an interpreter when you call.

5. Send your family a factsheet that local doctors have checked. South Western Sydney PHN publishes a plain-language factsheet on developmental concerns, endorsed by local GPs. It explains what milestones are and what the GP checks next, so your family can read it without anyone having to name a diagnosis. You can download it in Arabic, Chinese, Vietnamese or English. The factsheet page also has an audio version in all four languages, which matters if the person you need to reach would rather listen than read. Send it to the family chat with no argument attached.

6. Bring the person who looks after your child to that GP appointment. If your mother has them while you work, she’s the one running the routines, and she hears it straight from the doctor. Later on, if your child starts seeing a psychologist, up to two of the ten Medicare-funded sessions can be used with a parent or carer.

What actually changes

Your GP has four dated examples to work from, and a long appointment to go through them.

The school starts making adjustments, and the teacher who used to call your child a bit immature begins writing things down.

Your mother is in the room when somebody else explains it, so she can hear it without taking it as a comment on how she looks after them.

And you’re no longer the only person in the family saying this out loud.

Where to start with an autism or ADHD assessment

If you want to understand what’s going on for your child and stop guessing, the next step is an assessment. It usually takes several sessions, with questionnaires for you and for the school, and schools and the NDIS act on the written report.

An assessment doesn’t guarantee an NDIS plan, and your family may not change their minds.

Starting today, write down four specific things your child does, on paper or in your phone, with dates and what happened before and after each one.

Call us about getting your child assessed, or book a first session.

References