The Surprising Truth About Stress
As parents, it’s natural to want to shield your kids from stress. But did you know that protecting them too much can actually increase their anxiety?
Not all stress is bad—introducing manageable levels of ‘good stress’ can help kids grow stronger, build resilience, and learn to handle life’s challenges.
If you’re a busy parent managing work, home, and everything else, this guide will provide practical ways to support your child while encouraging their independence. Let’s explore the benefits of positive stress and how you can use it to help your child thrive.
What Science Says About Stress and Resilience in Kids
You might think stress is something to avoid, but experts say it’s a critical part of growth. Here’s why:
Good stress, like preparing for a school project or meeting new friends, challenges kids in a manageable way. It encourages problem-solving and builds confidence. Bad stress, on the other hand, is overwhelming and prolonged—like excessive academic pressure or constant criticism.
Good stress doesn’t just help kids cope; it makes them stronger. This idea, known as “antifragility,” means that kids can grow and adapt by overcoming small challenges.
For example, think about a child learning to ride a bike. At first, they might feel nervous or afraid of falling. But with encouragement and practice, they develop the skills and confidence to ride independently. That initial stress becomes a stepping stone to independence. Similarly, facing age-appropriate challenges helps children build a stronger foundation for handling life’s ups and downs.
5 Practical Ways to Introduce Good Stress in Your Child’s Life
When you help your child experience the right stress, you give them tools to navigate life more effectively.
1. Encourage Problem-Solving
When your child encounters a small challenge, please resist the urge to jump in and fix it.
Whether they forget their homework, struggle with a jigsaw puzzle, or figure out how to mend a broken toy, guide them to brainstorm solutions.
If your child forgets their lunch, for instance, instead of rushing to school, you might ask, “What can you do to ensure this doesn’t happen tomorrow?”
By working through problems independently, kids learn that they’re capable of handling challenging situations. This builds confidence and fosters independence over time.
2. Promote Gradual Exposure to Fears
Help your child face mild fears step by step.
This approach, called “gradual exposure,” reduces anxiety by building familiarity and confidence.
Start small if your child is nervous about speaking in front of the class. Encourage them to practice at home by presenting to family members or their stuffed animals. Once they feel comfortable, have them rehearse for a couple of close friends. Gradually, they’ll feel confident enough to present in front of their peers. By breaking a big fear into smaller, achievable steps, you’re helping them tackle anxiety in a manageable way.
3. Set Realistic Challenges
Stretch your child’s abilities with age-appropriate tasks slightly outside their comfort zone.
These challenges should be achievable with effort, allowing them to experience the satisfaction of progress.
For example, you might assign chores like packing their school lunch or folding their laundry. Alternatively, encourage them to try something new, like joining a soccer team or learning a simple recipe. These small challenges teach kids the value of effort and persistence while boosting their confidence.
4. Model Healthy Stress Management
Children learn by watching you.
They’re more likely to do the same if you handle stress calmly. Show them stress is a normal part of life and can be managed effectively.
When faced with a challenging situation at work, share your approach with your child: “This project is difficult, but I’m breaking it into smaller steps to make it manageable.” Similarly, practise deep breathing or positive self-talk in front of them. When kids see you dealing with stress constructively, they’ll feel empowered to adopt the same behaviours.
5. Celebrate Effort, Not Perfection
Instead of focusing solely on results, praise your child for their effort and progress. This mindset encourages resilience and reduces fear of failure.
For instance, if your child tries out for a sports team but doesn’t make it, acknowledge their courage and the effort they put into practising. Say, “I’m so proud of how hard you worked on this. Let’s discuss what you learned from the experience and what we can do differently next time.” This approach helps them see setbacks as growth opportunities rather than insurmountable failures.
What Happens When Your Child Learns to Handle Stress?
When kids experience the right kind of stress, they gain skills that will serve them for life:
- They become more adaptable and confident in handling challenges. Exposure to manageable stress helps them feel less overwhelmed by more significant problems.
- Over time, children develop the tools to solve their own problems, make decisions, and approach life with greater independence.
Imagine your child facing a difficult school assignment. Instead of panicking, they break it into smaller steps, complete each one systematically, and submit the work on time. This is resilience in action—built through the good stress they’ve learned to handle.
By encouraging good stress, you’re not just helping your child manage anxiety—you’re setting them up for long-term success.
Final Thoughts: Helping Kids Grow Through Good Stress
Shielding kids from stress may feel like the right thing to do, but it often backfires. Instead, let them face small, manageable challenges that teach them resilience and independence. These experiences help reduce anxiety and prepare children to thrive in the face of life’s inevitable ups and downs.
Start today by choosing one of the strategies above and implementing it. Whether you’re encouraging problem-solving or gradually exposing your child to fears, every step brings them closer to becoming confident and capable.
References
- American Psychological Association (2020). Building resilience in children. Available at: https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/children (Accessed: 12 November 2024).
- Centre for Parenting and Child Wellbeing (2021). The role of stress in child development: Good stress vs. bad stress. Available at: https://www.parentingcentre.org/stress-and-child-growth (Accessed: 12 November 2024).
- Ginsburg, K.R. (2015). Building resilience in children and teens: Giving kids roots and wings. Elk Grove Village, IL: American Academy of Pediatrics.
- Harvard Center on the Developing Child (2020). Resilience: The science of overcoming adversity. Available at: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/resilience/ (Accessed: 12 November 2024).
- Selye, H. (1976). The stress of life. New York: McGraw-Hill.
- Ungar, M. (2018). Change your world: The science of resilience and the true path to success. Toronto: Random House Canada.
- World Health Organization (WHO) (2021). Helping children cope with stress during the COVID-19 pandemic. Available at: https://www.who.int/docs/default-source/coronaviruse/helping-children-cope-with-stress (Accessed: 12 November 2024).
