Have you ever felt stuck in endless emotional conversations—whether with your child, partner or even at work—without finding a way forward?
While talking about emotions is essential, over-focusing on them without taking action can lead to frustration and anxiety for everyone involved.
- For children, constantly revisiting emotions without practical solutions can make problems seem more significant than they are, leaving them feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to move forward. Over time, this pattern can reduce their confidence in managing challenges and increase their dependence on you for emotional validation.
- For parents, the effects often ripple into other areas of life. Over-analysing emotions makes it harder to focus on problem-solving at work, deepens your feelings of stress, or creates tension in your relationships. It can even lead to guilt—wondering if you’re doing enough to help your child—or frustration as you replay the same emotional scenarios without progress.
It’s natural for you or your child to want to share their feelings openly.
Emotions are important, but they shouldn’t dominate every interaction. Think of emotions like waves—they rise, peak, and eventually pass. The goal isn’t to dwell on the wave but to learn how to ride it. By teaching your child how to navigate these waves and modelling the same approach yourself, you can create healthier dynamics both at home and beyond.
Today, we’ll explore balancing emotional discussions with actionable strategies, helping you and your child build resilience, confidence, and independence.
Why Talking About Feelings Doesn’t Always Help
Focusing too much on emotions can leave children stuck and unsure of how to move forward. Imagine your child feels frustrated after a tough day at school. Instead of thinking about how they might handle a similar situation next time, they’re comforted and encouraged to dwell on every detail of their feelings. Over time, this approach can overwhelm everyday challenges, leaving them dependent on you or someone else to help them process even the most minor setbacks. Without tools to navigate emotions independently, they might miss opportunities to grow stronger and more independent.
Parents often feel the strain, too. When every emotional moment becomes a deep discussion, it can feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of saying the wrong thing or not doing enough to help. Picture managing a stressful workday while navigating your child’s frustration over homework or sibling arguments. It’s exhausting, especially when the same emotional cycles keep repeating. Over time, this can lead to frustration, guilt, or even avoidance—making it harder to connect meaningfully with your child or manage stress.
How You and Your Child Can Handle Emotions Better
Managing emotions isn’t just important at home—it impacts how you handle challenges in every part of your life.
Understanding and managing your feelings can make work stress less overwhelming, improve relationships, and set a positive example for your child.
Handling emotions helps your kids navigate school, friendships, and everyday challenges more confidently. By practising these skills together, you can strengthen your emotional health and create a stronger connection no matter where life takes you.
1. Validate Emotions Briefly and Move to Action
Acknowledging your child’s feelings is important, but spending too much time talking about them can make challenges feel more significant than they are.
A more balanced approach works better.
For example, if your child is upset about losing a toy, instead of asking, “How do you feel about this?” try questions like, “What do you think we can do next?” or “What could help you feel better about this?” These questions let your child know you understand while guiding them toward finding a solution.
You can apply this to your own life, too. When you feel frustrated after a difficult meeting or a stressful situation, pause and ask yourself, “What’s the next small step I can take to feel calmer or resolve this?” This way, you can handle emotions constructively.
2. Build Emotional Vocabulary Together
One reason emotions can feel overwhelming is the lack of words to describe them.
Help your child expand their emotional vocabulary beyond “happy” or “angry.” For example, if they say they’re mad, ask them if they mean frustrated, disappointed, or embarrassed. Knowing the difference can help them understand their feelings and how to address them.
As a parent, this is a chance to reflect on your emotional vocabulary. If you often say, “I’m just stressed,” dig deeper. Are you overwhelmed, anxious, or simply tired? Naming emotions more precisely can help you identify what needs attention and model emotional clarity for your child.
3. Practice the Pause
When emotions run high, teach your child to pause before reacting.
This could mean counting to 10, taking three deep breaths, or even stepping away for a moment. For example, if they feel upset after a sibling argument, encourage them to take a break before responding. Pausing gives emotions time to settle, making it easier to answer thoughtfully.
You can use this, too. In moments of frustration, take a breath and pause before reacting. By showing calm under pressure, you can model emotional regulation in real time.
4. Use Visual Aids for Emotional Awareness
Sometimes, we need a visual reminder of how emotions change.
Create a simple “thermometer” or “traffic light” chart to help your child identify their emotional intensity:
- Green: Calm and ready to learn.
- Yellow: Starting to feel frustrated or anxious.
- Red: Upset and needing a break.
This tool helps kids recognise when they’re approaching a boiling point and what actions can cool them down.
5. Reinforce Emotional Wins
Encourage your child to notice when they’ve managed emotions well.
For example, if they calmly worked through frustration on a school project, highlight their success: “I noticed how you stayed calm and kept trying even when it was tricky. That’s amazing!”
Take time to celebrate your own wins, too. If you stayed patient during a long and stressful day, acknowledge that: “I handled today’s challenges well, and I’m proud of how I stayed calm.” Recognising these moments builds your confidence, too.
Helping You and Your Kids Build Emotional Resilience
Resilience is a skill that benefits both you and your child. For your kids, it means learning to handle challenges without feeling overwhelmed. And for you, it’s about staying calm under pressure and finding ways to move forward, even when life feels challenging.
When you show patience and focus on solutions, your child sees how to do the same. At the same time, take small steps to build your resilience—whether that’s pausing to reflect during a tough day or acknowledging your efforts to keep going.
By supporting each other, you can create a stronger, more balanced way to handle life’s ups and downs together.
References
American Psychological Association (n.d.). Resilience guide for parents and teachers. Available at: https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/guide-parents-teachers (Accessed: 25 November 2024).
Child Mind Institute (n.d.). How to help children calm down. Available at: https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-children-calm-down/ (Accessed: 25 November 2024).
NHS (n.d.). Mindfulness. Available at: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/tips-and-support/mindfulness/ (Accessed: 25 November 2024).
Harvard Health Publishing (2021). Dropping anchor on big emotions. Available at: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/dropping-anchor-on-big-emotions-202110042609 (Accessed: 25 November 2024).
Siegel, D.J. and Bryson, T.P. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. New York: Bantam Books.
