4 Transformative Skills to Stay Calm and in Control

These practical techniques are designed to help parents handle life’s challenges with more ease and confidence.

1. Focus on the Present Moment

When emotions run high, focusing on the present moment can help you respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. This skill, often called mindfulness, allows you to reduce stress and approach situations with clarity.

For instance, during a chaotic breakfast when her kids argued over who got the last piece of toast, Anna would usually snap out of frustration. Now, she takes a deep breath, which calms her emotional brain—the part of the brain that triggers quick, reactive feelings—and activates her thinking brain, which is responsible for making rational decisions. This slight pause allows her to process the situation more clearly, focus on the immediate issue, and respond thoughtfully.

Anna calmly says, “Let’s figure out how to share.” By doing this, she avoids escalating tension and sets a constructive tone for the day. Practising mindfulness like this is surprisingly easy to learn, starting with small moments like deep breathing or grounding exercises, and its impact grows as it becomes a habit.

2. Build Resilience During Tough Times

Sometimes, situations are beyond your control.

Resilience-building tools help you handle discomfort without making things worse. These tools are handy during intense stress, health crises, traumatic events, or other unexpected challenges.

When Anna feels overwhelmed by her son’s behavioural struggles at school, she uses grounding techniques to stay steady. One of her favourites is naming five things she can see, four she can touch, three she can hear, two she can smell, and one she can taste. This simple activity works by calming the brain’s amygdala, which triggers the fight-or-flight response during stressful moments, and engaging the prefrontal cortex, which helps with rational thinking and focus.

By shifting her attention to the present, Anna reduces the stress signals in her brain, making it easier for her to approach her son’s needs with a calmer mindset. Grounding exercises like this are easy to learn and can quickly become a go-to tool for managing challenging situations.

3. Learn to Manage Your Emotions

Understanding and regulating your emotions is key to staying balanced.

This skill helps you recognise your feelings and respond in ways that align with your goals, rather than letting emotions take control.

After a long day, Anna often found herself snapping at her partner over minor annoyances. Now, she pauses to acknowledge her emotions: “I’m tired and irritated right now.” This simple act of naming her feelings helps quiet her emotional brain—the part responsible for reactive and impulsive behaviours—and engages her thinking brain, which allows her to make more thoughtful decisions. Instead of lashing out, she communicates calmly, saying, “I’ve had a rough day and could really use your support.”

Anna has improved her relationships and reduced unnecessary arguments by bridging the gap between her emotional and rational brain.

4. Improve Communication at Home

Strong relationships rely on clear communication, especially during stressful times.

Expressing your needs respectfully and listening effectively can make a big difference in reducing conflicts and fostering understanding.

Anna and her partner used to argue frequently about shared responsibilities, leaving both of them feeling unsupported. When Anna felt overwhelmed, her emotional brain would lead her to react defensively, often turning discussions into arguments. Instead of blaming or bottling up her feelings, Anna pauses to engage her thinking brain, which helps her communicate more thoughtfully. She says, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. Can we make a plan to share the chores more evenly?” This minor shift helps her avoid reactive conversations and focus on solutions. As a result, her partnership has grown stronger, and their home life feels less stressful.