Get Your Free DBT Skills Toolkit: Easy-to-Use Tools for Emotional Healing
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice or treatment. If you are struggling with grief, trauma, or addiction, please consult a qualified mental health professional. The characters and stories in this article are entirely fictitious and used solely for illustrative purposes.
Life can feel overwhelming when you’re carrying the weight of grief, trauma, or addiction.
For many adults and parents, it’s not just about managing their own emotions – there’s work to do, kids to raise, and relationships to maintain. You keep going because you have to, but underneath it all, you’re stretched thin, hoping for a way to find balance.
The truth is, it doesn’t have to feel this hard.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers practical tools that help people regain control, even in the face of life’s toughest challenges. These aren’t abstract ideas or quick fixes—they’re proven techniques that help you navigate the emotional rollercoaster while creating space for healing.
This article will explore DBT strategies that have worked for others in situations like yours, showing that real change is possible, one small step at a time.
Using Mindfulness to Heal from Trauma
Trauma has a way of embedding itself in daily life, quietly influencing thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.
Whether it stems from:
- childhood experiences,
- the loss of a loved one,
- or surviving a problematic relationship,
Trauma can feel like a constant undercurrent, pulling you into the past when all you want is to move forward.
Mindfulness, a core skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), offers a way to break free from this cycle. By practising mindfulness, you can ground yourself in the present moment, regain clarity, and create a sense of calm amidst the noise.
Emma’s Story
Take Emma, for example.
After years of struggling with memories of a traumatic event from her childhood, she often felt stuck in a loop of self-doubt and anxiety. When she began learning mindfulness techniques through DBT, things started to shift.
One day, her therapist introduced her to a simple mindfulness practice: focusing on the sensations of her morning coffee.
At first, it felt unnatural—why focus on something so small? But as Emma noticed the rich aroma, the warmth of the mug in her hands, and the smooth taste of each sip, she realised it was the first moment of peace she’d experienced in days. It was a small but powerful reminder that moments of calm could be found even during overwhelming times. Over time, this practice helped her feel more in control of her thoughts and emotions, building a foundation for healing.
Mindfulness doesn’t erase pain or trauma but helps you create space to breathe and regain perspective.
It’s like taking a mental timeout to ground yourself in what’s happening right now, rather than being swept away by past memories or worries about the future.
To get started, try this: when you feel overwhelmed, focus on your senses. Notice three things you can see, hear, or feel in the moment. These small acts of mindfulness can help you reclaim moments of calm and set the stage for long-term healing.
Radical Acceptance as a Tool for Coping with Grief
Grief can be one of life’s heaviest burdens.
Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a life-altering setback, or even the quiet grief of unmet expectations, it often feels impossible to move forward. Many of us fight against the pain, wishing things could be different. Radical acceptance, a core skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), offers an alternative: instead of resisting the pain, it teaches us to acknowledge and accept reality as it is.
It’s not about liking or agreeing with what’s happened—it’s about freeing ourselves from the emotional weight of denial and “what-ifs.”
James’s Story
James lost his partner in a sudden accident, and for months, he couldn’t bring himself to accept what had happened.
Every day, he replayed the events in his mind, searching for ways it could have been prevented. “If only I’d called sooner,” he’d think, or “What if I had been there?” This cycle of guilt and resistance left him emotionally paralysed, unable to engage with his life.
When James began working with a DBT therapist, they introduced him to the concept of radical acceptance.
At first, it felt counterintuitive—how could he accept something so devastating?
But his therapist helped him see that acceptance didn’t mean letting go of his love for his partner or the importance of their shared life. Instead, it meant letting go of the constant battle against reality. By practising small moments of acceptance, such as saying, “This is what happened, and I can’t change it,” James found that the grip of grief slowly loosened.
Over time, radical acceptance gave James the emotional space to start healing. He began reconnecting with friends, enjoying small daily rituals, and honouring his partner’s memory in meaningful ways.
The pain didn’t disappear, but it became less overwhelming.
Radical acceptance isn’t easy, especially when faced with profound grief. It’s a process that takes time and patience, but each step can bring a sense of relief.
To try this in your own life, start with something small. The next time you feel yourself resisting a challenging truth, take a moment to acknowledge it. Say it out loud if you can, or write it down. Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up—it means giving yourself the freedom to live alongside what has happened, rather than being consumed by it.
Distress Tolerance Techniques for Managing Addiction Crises
Addiction can feel like an unrelenting tug-of-war between your intentions and your impulses.
In moments of crisis, when cravings or emotions hit their peak, it’s easy to feel like giving in is the only way to cope. Distress tolerance, a cornerstone of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), offers tools to navigate these high-pressure moments without resorting to substance use. These techniques don’t eliminate the discomfort but help you ride out the storm, staying grounded and in control.
Maya’s Story
Maya had been working hard to stay sober after years of struggling with alcohol addiction. Most days, she managed to keep her cravings in check by keeping busy and sticking to her routine. But one afternoon, after a particularly stressful meeting at work, she drove past her favourite bar. The pull to stop felt overwhelming. In the past, this would’ve been the moment she gave in—but Maya had recently learned distress tolerance skills in her DBT group.
Her therapist had taught her a simple technique called “urge surfing,” which involved acknowledging the craving without acting on it. Maya pulled her car into a parking lot, closed her eyes, and focused on her breath. She imagined the craving as a wave, rising and falling, reminding herself that it would pass. It wasn’t easy, but within a few minutes, the intensity of the urge began to subside.
Practical Techniques to Try
If you’re struggling with moments like Maya’s, here are a few distress tolerance strategies that can help:
- TIP Skills (Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing): To regulate your body’s stress response, splash your face with cold water, go for a brisk walk, or practice deep, rhythmic breathing.
- Urge Surfing: Visualise cravings as waves that peak and then recede. Remind yourself that the urge will pass if you don’t act on it.
- Distraction: Engage in an activity that redirects your focus, such as calling a friend, watching a favourite show, or working on a hobby.
These techniques don’t erase cravings but give you tools to endure them without giving in. Over time, each small success builds confidence and reinforces your commitment to recovery.
Think of distress tolerance as your toolbox for addiction recovery.
Not every tool will work for every situation, but the more techniques you practice, the more equipped you’ll be to handle whatever challenges come your way. The next time you feel overwhelmed, start by experimenting with one or two strategies. Each time you choose to ride out the wave instead of giving in, you’re taking a powerful step toward lasting change.
Take the Next Step
To help you put these DBT techniques into practice, we’ve created a free, downloadable “ProActive DBT Skills Toolkit”.
Inside, you’ll find:
- Step-by-step instructions for mindfulness exercises, and radical acceptance practices.
- Tips for journaling and reflecting on your progress.
- Practical guidance to help you integrate these skills into your daily life.
Access your free DBT Skills Toolkit here
and take the first step toward finding balance, calm, and control in your life.
Conclusion
Healing doesn’t happen all at once.
It’s a series of small steps, like learning to acknowledge your emotions, building healthier habits, or practising acceptance. No matter how small, every effort is a step closer to reclaiming your life.
Grief, trauma, and addiction can feel like insurmountable challenges, but they don’t have to define your life. Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), individuals are learning practical tools that empower them to take control, find peace, and move toward healing. From the grounding presence of mindfulness to the life-changing practice of radical acceptance and distress tolerance, DBT provides a path forward, even in the darkest moments.
References
- American Institute of Professional Counsellors (AIPC). (n.d.). A case of grief: Using an eclectic approach. Retrieved from https://www.aipc.net.au/articles/a-case-of-grief-using-an-eclectic-approach/
- BoardPrep Recovery Center. (n.d.). DBT techniques for substance abuse recovery. Retrieved from https://www.boardpreprecovery.com/rehab-blog/dbt-techniques/
- Kids First Services. (n.d.). Group therapy success stories. Retrieved from https://www.kidsfirstservices.com/first-insights/group-therapy-success-stories
- Talkspace. (n.d.). DBT for PTSD. Retrieved from https://www.talkspace.com/mental-health/conditions/dbt-for-ptsd/
- Spokane Heights Detox. (n.d.). DBT therapy techniques for substance abuse. Retrieved from https://spokaneheightsdetox.com/dbt-therapy-techniques-for-substance-abuse/
- PubMed Central (PMC). (n.d.). Behavioral analysis in relapse prevention. Retrieved from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2797106/
- Seattle Anxiety Specialists. (2022). The radical acceptance of an ocean of grief. Retrieved from https://seattleanxiety.com/psychiatrist/2022/11/30/the-radical-acceptance-of-an-ocean-of-grief
